Do you ever wonder if the people who say no to being with someone with herpes, are looking for an excuse? Like, they were sitting on the fence, and this tips them over, or they weren't as serious about you as you thought, so herpes becomes the 'deal breaker'.

Or they were saying they wanted something serious, but that wasn't quite true? I'm asking because there's been a man I've been catching up with and having 'sort-of' dates with. Because it's in the no-mans land of 'are we officially dating' I haven't mentioned herpes to him yet. I don't see the point unless it looks like our relationship would be moving towards intimacy. Last week I asked him what he was looking for and he said he wasn't sure, he was still exploring and figuring things out since his divorce. This is common in my dating age bracket. What I'm finding is that disclosing herpes is a great filtering tool and it's a two-way street. I won't disclose to someone I am sitting on the fence about. I won't disclose to someone who I'm not serious about. I won't disclose to someone who has some potential dealbreakers, such as "exploring after their divorce' because I want someone who can commit to a relationship and isn't treating dating like Project Find-Myself. Suddenly, a lot of the confusion I've previously had around dating is shifting. I've been looking for the formula to get better at choosing partners after a few troubled dating and relationship experiences, and I'm wondering if herpes has given me just that! Oh the irony

16 Answers

hostile_Ellsworth
Answered 5 months ago    reply

Yeah I think they do. I’ve told a girl that I had herpes and she thought I was just saying that cause I didn’t want to date her.

m_pool67
Answered 5 months ago

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hostile_Ellsworth
Answered 5 months ago    reply

markita yeah I’ve told people that and they magically disappear lol

m_pool67
Answered 5 months ago    reply

Rodrick it's a solid strategy. I'm so going to try it out and see how it goes

hostile_Ellsworth
Answered 5 months ago    reply

markita let me know if it works lmao

mitsuko
Answered 5 months ago

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kern.marvel80
Answered 5 months ago    reply

It has backfired on me . when I want people to leave me alone and tell them. They are usually the ones who are fine with it

m_pool67
Answered 5 months ago    reply

mitsuko he's just a FuckBoy, he does the same to a few of my single friends. But you make a valid point because anyone who does this is possibly mentally unstable in some way and could be unpredictable.


fanatical_matron
Answered 5 months ago

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Aliza.97
Answered 5 months ago    reply

I think it often shows true feelings. if they weren't that in to them they just move on. herpes is as good of a reason as any.

m_pool67
Answered 5 months ago    reply

My thoughts are swinging that way as well. I can't remember the ten points in the book He's Just Not That Into You, but if Greg Bernhardt ever updates the book he should include a chapter on STI's: If they're not willing to get a Ten Panel STI check, or unwilling to accept your herpes diagnosis, they're really not that into you!


hostile_mourner92
Answered 5 months ago    reply

It’s a filter, for sure. Not a perfect filter, as evidenced by that ten-year waste of my life LTR.

m_pool67
Answered 5 months ago    reply

Yeh I'm hearing you on that point too.


claude
Answered 5 months ago    reply

This is the way that I date. I agree with your methodologies with regards to determining when and who you disclose to. Do what is right for you when you are dating with a purpose.

m_pool67
Answered 5 months ago    reply

It's about trusting someone as well, and that takes a while to build.


Holmbergpricey
Answered 5 months ago    reply

Exactly!


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