I've cared for my mother for 8 years now. She still knows who i am. Her body has betrayed her. 99% helpless. She has given up. I hate how i act sometimes because i am mad at her for not trying. I know its the end stages of the diease, I'm just spent and burnt out.

Today i will try my hardest not to have an outburst, may god help me, ty

54 Answers

mayorga11
Answered 8 months ago    reply

I will pray that God gives you strength to get thru this. I know it is so easy to lose your cool, I have done it a few times, but you will find the strength.


taisha
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Hugs and prayers


hall
Answered 8 months ago    reply

It happens to us all, wish you the strength needed for you


s.66
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Please don't give up ...bad hard as it is ....


566
Answered 8 months ago    reply

I totally get it!! It happens to a lot of us..I sometimes get frustrated at my mom when she doesn’t try but then I tell myself it’s not her fault!! It’s okay to feel that way,no one but us who are caring for our loved one knows the toll this disease takes from us!! Sending hugs and prayers


nanette.c
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Positive thoughts & prayers


lowe
Answered 8 months ago    reply

I totally understand! Such a cruel disease for everyone involved! Prayers!


torrenceliane68
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Sending understanding. Don't burst out. Stay loving. How? Turn and get out of the room. Breath. Breath deeply. Again. Remember your love. Shout and scream. Breath. Once. Twice. Return to her. Don't speak. Look at her. Caress her. Smile at her. Smile at yourself. Love both of you. All the best!

stephanie
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Well said. I leave the room a lot. Have to.


vergie21
Answered 8 months ago    reply

When you feel like that just step out side for a minute take ten deep breaths and try to remember the good I hope this helps


moorehead1
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Well said you need to dothis we all get frustrated


8d
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Exhaustion. Nothing but exhaustion. You are a model human. Your love for mom is peerless; your efforts to provide care and delay the disease are far-reaching; your conscience is boundless. Like all beings, her life will come to an end. You will then have many years left to enjoy your days knowing that you did everything within your power to ease the last chapter of her life. Be kind to yourself. You are as good a person as they come. And people on this board and your family, neighbors, friends, colleagues know that and are with you. Blessings, my friend.

torrenceliane68
Answered 8 months ago    reply

But it is so important not to let out the bad feelings in sight of the helpless person. He or she can't understand and gets sad - what we do not really want and you feel so absolutely guilty shortly after the relief. I know, what I am talking about as I freaked out twice at the beginning of our yourney and am still sorry about it. The wounded look of his eyes is still present to me today and reminds me that this is not what I want to see again. But beeing kind to oneself is important the same way.

8d
Answered 8 months ago    reply

we are forced to grow as people in the course of taking on this work of caring. Experiencing what you've described is one part of what drives that growth. Even then we backslide sometimes. But the goal of tempering our impatience and resentment are ongoing. We do the best we can as we mature. But your point is very well taken. Thanks.


rutter80
Answered 8 months ago    reply

I️ so understand. I️t is frustrating. I️ will pray for you.


chun30
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Don't forget how she cared for you when you were little. No matter what. She is in there somewhere and knows you live her and care for her. Sometimes we think it's them but it's the disease that acting out. Take care of yourself and do whatever it takes to keep your calm. Prayers going up for you. I too been there.


steinbach74
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Prayers!


scully82
Answered 8 months ago    reply

It's not easy i'm in thé same situation you have to be patient good luck


estrada
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Your feelings are valid. I don't hate my wife. I hate the disease.

torrenceliane68
Answered 8 months ago    reply

This is it!


candiceearhart
Answered 8 months ago    reply

I believe that we all as caregivers to our love one go through this sometime I can't believe the thoughts that run through my mind and the things I say in fustrartion are not who I am a long walk and a little distance make all the difference and tomorrow is another day praying for you and us all through this hellish journey


serina8
Answered 8 months ago    reply

If you can give her a hug....feel your mom while she is here....take a breathe and praise God...keep your faith and patience..likeNorma stated tomorrow........but this community will be praying for both of you.


hamill18
Answered 8 months ago    reply

God bless you for the card you give your Mom! But to be a good caregiver we all have to take care of ourselves it is not selfish, it's like medicine that keeps you sane & going..can someone give you a few hours break?? You will feel better...God bless..

serina8
Answered 8 months ago    reply

This is so true. We all need to take a step away from things that over welhm us..we get to take care of ourselves and readjust to the situation at hand.


m.mora88
Answered 8 months ago    reply

GOD Bless You. I Will pray for you and your mother !!!


dear69
Answered 8 months ago    reply

So sorry that you have to go through that . I feel for you as i am going through the same with my mum .


b.kropp
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Thank you everybody, i needed this today, your kind words helped take the bitterness away for today, I will kiss my mother and tell her i love her.

torrenceliane68
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Stay strong. Don't know, if you are christian and believing. But in hard times, when I feel I can't cope any more, I remember the word : love your next just as you love yourself. YOURSELF! Means, there is a need of loving yourself , not to give yourself till there is nothing left. For me it is so difficoult to learn, but steadyly it goes and since I try this together with a better management of time I feel strength coming back.


nerissa
Answered 8 months ago    reply

god bless I know how you feel looking after your mum I look after my dad it is so hard and it takes everything out of you but we keep going because we love them it is that

mackinnon
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Exactly ....if my Mom wasn't as special to me as she was....caring for her when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's would have been very difficult

nerissa
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Stay strong


kathleenaldrich
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Such a difficult situation, so much anger towards the disease and not our loved ones. Prayers for you for patience and peace and good days.


alfreda.h
Answered 8 months ago    reply

What your feeling is 100% normal for us that are caring for a loved one, my mom gave up 3 times hospice stepped in each time ... then mom decided to p ull her self together. .. she was 98 % crippled from the horible disease. .. she could still eat till the end then she went 30 days with out food or water... all we could do was keep her comfortable morphine and med's for anxiety. .. apparently the process of passing makes a person or a better word their soul anxious, so we just held her and talked, and lots of people that had contacte, with her would go to her during their breaks and pray for her ... it would give her a measure of peace ...


catarinapilcher
Answered 8 months ago    reply

I helped care for my dad when he has Alzheimers. I understand how hard it is. Do you have anyone who can give you a break with caring for your mom? Is she able to go to say care at all? Or have you thought about a nursing home or hiring care to come into your home? Sometimes we get over tired and we do lose our patience, and we just need a break so we don't say it do something we would feel badly about doing. You need to take care if yourself, as well as her. God bless both of you.


catarinapilcher
Answered 8 months ago    reply

I hate this phone..I wrote say or do something...sorry


a.hines
Answered 8 months ago    reply

My mother is also suffering this but today i touch her face with my fingers so she is crying she is totally give up every body said she is not but beleive as well i touch she is making faces and try to some thing speak she know her daughter touch keep pray for my mother plz


catarinapilcher
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Am sending prayers.


mackinnon
Answered 8 months ago    reply

I walked this path with my mother so you have my empathy. It's so difficult, stressful and downright sad at times. My life revolved around organizing care for her in addition to caring for her myself. There will be light days too however so I wish you well as you take this journey with your mother....you are not alone.


mackinnon
Answered 8 months ago    reply

There is a lot of pain out there as people are encountering this devastating illness. I've been there in full measure. Blessings to all who are struggling and my one little amount of advice to anyone trying to live through this challenging time. Consult your primary care doctor and with his help make contact with resources out in your community who can help and give you respite and support To take care of yourself, emotionally and physically is most important Nurturing your mind through prayer or meditation and your body through therapeutic massage or chiropractic care is very important. It sustains you as you work your way through what may be the most challenging role you will play in your lifetime. In many respects it is a blessed calling, because we don't choose it, it is thrust upon us. Blessings....


j.hostetler72
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Saying a prayer Feel the same way sometimes


catarinapilcher
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Mackinnon Very well said. That was my sentiments,exactly.ty


nieves11
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Like our loved ones, we have some days that are better or worse than others. Forgive yourself for the tough days. You're doing the best you can.


lavon83
Answered 8 months ago    reply

It's really hard trying to stay strong for them. Just try to remember she can't help it, if she could be different, she would. Take care.


yoonatisha88
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Please try not to shout at her. Your Mom does not have any control or idea of what she does?


scully82
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Ma belle mere aussi sa fait 8 ans qu elle es malade mes enfants et moi avons souffer de sa demence maintenant elle es allite et ne bouge plus elle a fait une fracture du cole du femure elle depend de moi je suis tres fatiguer

mayorga11
Answered 8 months ago    reply

God bless you my friend!

scully82
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Amen

torrenceliane68
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Je comprends totalement ca fatigue. .. mais on ne peut faire rien...

scully82
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Oui malheureusement


p.whitmer91
Answered 8 months ago    reply

I sympathise and know how hard it is for you. But every time you feel like loosing your patience with your mother, think how she feels - or doesn't feel. She doesn't know why you are shouting at her; she doesn't know how to control herself; she may not even know who you are; but she surely knows that the person in front of her who is shouting in her face is making her feel very unhappy ....


bertrand83
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Prayers


alfreda.h
Answered 8 months ago    reply

I cared for my mom .. it was my sister myself and our two sons. .. she passed in july, .. all true her illness she never had a problem reconizing us, along with a cousin of mine. And my good mother although she couldn't say our names she knew who we were.. and my siblings that either never visited or really did she knew the hurt she felt by their betrail, for those she would act like she couldn't respond. For us that stood by her.. she'd track us / tear up or use her eye brows to show she knew we were there. .. this continued till the very end her last breath, she was on hospice for 30 days, we would sit with her just talking or praying for her, tears would roll down her face, her last morning my sister was with her, I had a doc. Appt. And I lived 100 miles away. So I had planed to get back to her by ten am. That morning, my sister was with her we had been charting her vitals because going so very long with out food or water for 30 days was difficult for the healthiest of grown men... I was on the phone with my sister that was there with mom, we knew it couldn't be much longer that she would exit this plane of existence. .. her breath became very labored and shallow.. so my sister had me on speaker phone ,, I told my mom thru my tears that I loved her very much, and as we are Christians our belief is we will see each other soon .. We did have to let her know that we would be safe and look out for each other... and if she wanted to go to Meet JESUS CHRIST that she would be recieved with love and open arms ... and we'd be together soon. In heaven. I told her again I loved her . A few minutes later she passed.


feng
Answered 8 months ago    reply

May god help i


b.kropp
Answered 8 months ago    reply

Im sorry for your loss, they have to most definitely arrive in a free universe, no conscience of time, just free... no help out of 8 siblings, except 1 lovely sister. 24/ 8 and I'm burn't, but mama will die peacefully at home. Only I will have the precious memories the last years of the most trying times... worse than crashing your car drunk, in early 90 s


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