5hrs away and it's easy enough to get there. Background - We aren't close. In 2006, I stopped talking to her for about 3 years due to things she had done in the past and things she had been doing at that time. When I did start talking to her again it was on a VERY limited basis. We do talk a bit more now, but in reality it's mostly through text once a month. In person maybe ever 3 months for a couple of nights. Y'know. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and maybe 2 other visits. I originally didn't tell my mother as I am not sure how supportive she would be. Basically I wanted it 100% n no option for her. (As of September 13th, the consent for surgery was signed.) Now why wouldn't my mother be supportive? She has body dysmorphia towards me. She tries to buy me clothes 2-3 sizes larger than what I actually wear. She sees me as larger than I am. I'm a 1x-2x n she thinks I'm at least a 3x. I'm a size 22 and she tried to get me a pair of size 26 pants so they'd be roomy. This has been going on my whole life. My mother is not a small woman. She lost weight once through Atkins and exercise. She regained it after hip replacement surgery. I lost weight and regained it too. She thinks if you just eat right and exercise, you'll lose all the weight you need. She blames her hip on her weight. I blame her diet which includes a rack of ribs a week and potatoe chips. I have bad knees and getting knee replacements in near future, she doesn't think that should be an obstacle. Just walk more, she says. Anyway. That's the background. In the future, I need to tell her before October 9th. Technically, before that weekend as in Canada it's Thanksgiving weekend. But I don't know how If it were me, text is my favourite. But I know she gonna call me right away after the text.
If my mother was that way, I'd probably wait til after surgery to tell her, so I can go in clear mind and positive vibes myself. Surgery is for YOU, your health and well being, not anything to do with her or her mindset on it.
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Agree with this 100%
Don't tell her ? This is your journey, not hers. If at anytime in the future you are in the situation that you have to eat together then you could just say ' oh yeah had gastric bypass a couple of months back' like it's no big deal. You really need supportive people around you during this time. You've got this, you are controling your body and your health. Good luck !
save yourself the heartache. don't tell her.
I too would wait.
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She is my emergency contact...unless I change it
You must tell her.. it's your business and yours alone but she is your mom and obviously means something if she is your emergency contact.. do you have a support system set up if not her? This surgery is no joke.. after is no joke... even if you do, I stand by my words.. it doesn't look like anyone else thinks so!
She is my contact by default. She never changes her phone number. Plus she's easy to reach. Besides her I only have a much younger half-brother and an aunt who is difficult to reach due to travel. For years my grandma was my emergency contact, but she is older with Alzheimer's now.
I agree with waiting until it's over, you don't need that negativity right now.
I agree with not telling her until after. I understand it's your thanksgiving soon after you start the liquid diet...you could always say you recently had a stomach flu and just aren't up to eating just yet.
I wouldn't tell her. The first couple months are hard enough without the added stress that she could cause.
I feel her opinions at this stage of your journey may only add pressure. I would concentrate on yourself and those who have been with you every step of the way. Once you've healed and are on the path to new beginnings then I would tell her. X
Don't tell her
Dont tell her or feel obligated to tell her because shes your mom, at the end of the day, its your journey, we all support u on here n have ur best interest at heart, so y include that 1 negative person? I absolutely agree with everyone with not telling her before surgery, wait til after if anything, but dont tell her beforehand .
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I agree that you need support not negativity in your life. I think it's wise to consider not telling her. Best of luck to you as you make this tough decision.
She's your mother. Imagine she is not here for long then do whatever you think you can live with. Good luck.
Don't tell her at all. You need peace of mind, not negativity or the thought that you know something negative is going to come out of her mouth.
I agree with Ollie. Surgery is serious. Text her. Plain and simple. Weigh her response. Some of my family are supportive. Others don't understand. THIS SURGERY IS ABOUT US! We are taking this journey with or without them. You don't need anything from her. But out of respect and love, you tell her. Her reply only matters whether or not she will be apart of YOUR journey. As a mom, I would want to know if my children were having surgery. Good luck. And chin up. You got this!
I wasn't going to tell my mom but I did....the day before surgery. Didn't give her much time to be a Debbie downer. If she's your emergency contact you really should tell her. There's risks with every surgery and if god forbid something happens to you during the surgery, that call to her will be extremely confusing and hurtful to her.
I didn't tell my mom either.
my mom lived in another counrty and I told her by phone, she helped with the money too yay but I went to another country again for it
I didn't tell my father and now he is refusing to talk to or see me at two months post op. I personally feel like I am not obligated to tell anyone that I do not choose to. Shocking how people can react.
I would be absolutely furious at my daughter.. I dont think she could do anything worse to me... Not telling me she is having surgery? Whoa.. My mother would come to my house and beat me with her cane if I did that... Literally... And she wouldnt have called first.. But we are all pretty close... Im suprised how most are saying dont tell her... But I guess its whoever your support system is the important person to know
Thats a tough one. It depends on how her words will hurt you. If she doesnt support you, will it hurt? Will she tell the whole family? Will she put you down or raise you up? She sounds ignorant of this surgery, on top of other things. You don't want to be stressed before surgery, or after. Especially if you are an emotional eater or smoker. Whatever you chose, think of the consequences of your choice and weigh the options.
I probably wouldn't tell her until after surgery . You need support .If you don't do this for you then you may not succeed . Good luck with your Surgery .
My mom is the same way. Shit went downhill after I weighed the same as her. I told her about surgery and regret it. She told everyone I took the 'easy way out'. Your mom and your call but if you decide to tell her I would wait till after
I told my psychologist, during my psych eval for surgery, that I knew my brother would not be supportive about this surgery at all. Her response : don't tell him. Its none of his business and I'm under no obligation to tell him.
Don't tell her. Just after surgery when you lose weight tell her ur cutting back.
Honestly, I wouldnt tell her. The battle you're going to face right after surgery is not going to be easy, even if you have supportive people around you. I get the thought behind the holidays being awkward if you dont tell her, but it will be akward if you do tell her too. Either way will be hard. I guess you have to decide which hard path you will go. Best of luck!! Sending all the good vibes I can your way