So I need opinions. My gastric bypass surgery is October 30th. My liquid diet (aka Optifast) starts October 9th. I haven't told my mother that I'm having surgery. I don't know how best to tell her. Text? Phone? In person? How would you like to know? FYI - My mother lives 1.

5hrs away and it's easy enough to get there. Background - We aren't close. In 2006, I stopped talking to her for about 3 years due to things she had done in the past and things she had been doing at that time. When I did start talking to her again it was on a VERY limited basis. We do talk a bit more now, but in reality it's mostly through text once a month. In person maybe ever 3 months for a couple of nights. Y'know. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and maybe 2 other visits. I originally didn't tell my mother as I am not sure how supportive she would be. Basically I wanted it 100% n no option for her. (As of September 13th, the consent for surgery was signed.) Now why wouldn't my mother be supportive? She has body dysmorphia towards me. She tries to buy me clothes 2-3 sizes larger than what I actually wear. She sees me as larger than I am. I'm a 1x-2x n she thinks I'm at least a 3x. I'm a size 22 and she tried to get me a pair of size 26 pants so they'd be roomy. This has been going on my whole life. My mother is not a small woman. She lost weight once through Atkins and exercise. She regained it after hip replacement surgery. I lost weight and regained it too. She thinks if you just eat right and exercise, you'll lose all the weight you need. She blames her hip on her weight. I blame her diet which includes a rack of ribs a week and potatoe chips. I have bad knees and getting knee replacements in near future, she doesn't think that should be an obstacle. Just walk more, she says. Anyway. That's the background. In the future, I need to tell her before October 9th. Technically, before that weekend as in Canada it's Thanksgiving weekend. But I don't know how If it were me, text is my favourite. But I know she gonna call me right away after the text.

33 Answers

Erwin_77
Answered 1 year ago    reply

If my mother was that way, I'd probably wait til after surgery to tell her, so I can go in clear mind and positive vibes myself. Surgery is for YOU, your health and well being, not anything to do with her or her mindset on it.

Wortmanweary
Answered 1 year ago    reply

Agreeee!

flack
Answered 1 year ago

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marilee_67
Answered 1 year ago    reply

Agree with this 100%


t_jarman75
Answered 1 year ago    reply

Don't tell her ? This is your journey, not hers. If at anytime in the future you are in the situation that you have to eat together then you could just say ' oh yeah had gastric bypass a couple of months back' like it's no big deal. You really need supportive people around you during this time. You've got this, you are controling your body and your health. Good luck !


BGodwin98
Answered 1 year ago    reply

save yourself the heartache. don't tell her.


janis.g
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I too would wait.


scully_delirious
Answered 1 year ago

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flack
Answered 1 year ago    reply

She is my emergency contact...unless I change it

scully_delirious
Answered 1 year ago    reply

You must tell her.. it's your business and yours alone but she is your mom and obviously means something if she is your emergency contact.. do you have a support system set up if not her? This surgery is no joke.. after is no joke... even if you do, I stand by my words.. it doesn't look like anyone else thinks so!

flack
Answered 1 year ago    reply

She is my contact by default. She never changes her phone number. Plus she's easy to reach. Besides her I only have a much younger half-brother and an aunt who is difficult to reach due to travel. For years my grandma was my emergency contact, but she is older with Alzheimer's now.


Vellaguilty
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I agree with waiting until it's over, you don't need that negativity right now.


emcphail95
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I agree with not telling her until after. I understand it's your thanksgiving soon after you start the liquid diet...you could always say you recently had a stomach flu and just aren't up to eating just yet.


R.Sanders
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I wouldn't tell her. The first couple months are hard enough without the added stress that she could cause.


BolandSue
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I feel her opinions at this stage of your journey may only add pressure. I would concentrate on yourself and those who have been with you every step of the way. Once you've healed and are on the path to new beginnings then I would tell her. X


yfrederickson83
Answered 1 year ago    reply

Don't tell her


Parson_Griselda89
Answered 1 year ago    reply

Dont tell her or feel obligated to tell her because shes your mom, at the end of the day, its your journey, we all support u on here n have ur best interest at heart, so y include that 1 negative person? I absolutely agree with everyone with not telling her before surgery, wait til after if anything, but dont tell her beforehand .


Kwok_Oli
Answered 1 year ago

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j.kiley82
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I agree that you need support not negativity in your life. I think it's wise to consider not telling her. Best of luck to you as you make this tough decision.


B.Yasmine
Answered 1 year ago    reply

She's your mother. Imagine she is not here for long then do whatever you think you can live with. Good luck.


NorrisM
Answered 1 year ago    reply

Don't tell her at all. You need peace of mind, not negativity or the thought that you know something negative is going to come out of her mouth.


exhaustedChampion
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I agree with Ollie. Surgery is serious. Text her. Plain and simple. Weigh her response. Some of my family are supportive. Others don't understand. THIS SURGERY IS ABOUT US! We are taking this journey with or without them. You don't need anything from her. But out of respect and love, you tell her. Her reply only matters whether or not she will be apart of YOUR journey. As a mom, I would want to know if my children were having surgery. Good luck. And chin up. You got this!


bernardo.bobbie25
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I wasn't going to tell my mom but I did....the day before surgery. Didn't give her much time to be a Debbie downer. If she's your emergency contact you really should tell her. There's risks with every surgery and if god forbid something happens to you during the surgery, that call to her will be extremely confusing and hurtful to her.


robbin_67
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I didn't tell my mom either.


Xavier.88
Answered 1 year ago    reply

my mom lived in another counrty and I told her by phone, she helped with the money too yay but I went to another country again for it


MyrtisFerry95
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I didn't tell my father and now he is refusing to talk to or see me at two months post op. I personally feel like I am not obligated to tell anyone that I do not choose to. Shocking how people can react.

scully_delirious
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I would be absolutely furious at my daughter.. I dont think she could do anything worse to me... Not telling me she is having surgery? Whoa.. My mother would come to my house and beat me with her cane if I did that... Literally... And she wouldnt have called first.. But we are all pretty close... Im suprised how most are saying dont tell her... But I guess its whoever your support system is the important person to know


cheyenneknotts
Answered 1 year ago    reply

Thats a tough one. It depends on how her words will hurt you. If she doesnt support you, will it hurt? Will she tell the whole family? Will she put you down or raise you up? She sounds ignorant of this surgery, on top of other things. You don't want to be stressed before surgery, or after. Especially if you are an emotional eater or smoker. Whatever you chose, think of the consequences of your choice and weigh the options.


robillard_jeanine
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I probably wouldn't tell her until after surgery . You need support .If you don't do this for you then you may not succeed . Good luck with your Surgery .


Grimaldi_Shaquana
Answered 1 year ago    reply

My mom is the same way. Shit went downhill after I weighed the same as her. I told her about surgery and regret it. She told everyone I took the 'easy way out'. Your mom and your call but if you decide to tell her I would wait till after


swhitacre80
Answered 1 year ago    reply

I told my psychologist, during my psych eval for surgery, that I knew my brother would not be supportive about this surgery at all. Her response : don't tell him. Its none of his business and I'm under no obligation to tell him.


barkley_suellen68
Answered 1 year ago    reply

Don't tell her. Just after surgery when you lose weight tell her ur cutting back.


infuriated_sheep
Answered 1 year ago    reply

Honestly, I wouldnt tell her. The battle you're going to face right after surgery is not going to be easy, even if you have supportive people around you. I get the thought behind the holidays being awkward if you dont tell her, but it will be akward if you do tell her too. Either way will be hard. I guess you have to decide which hard path you will go. Best of luck!! Sending all the good vibes I can your way


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